Today a smell transported me to a very lonely time in my life.
Minneapolis is beautiful today. It's nearly 3:30pm CST, and the outside temperature is 46 degrees. The sky is deep and cloudy. The wind is blowing hard enough to make my hair go everywhere, but it doesn't make me cold. The air smells like spring: warmish and sweet...damp...a little bit alive.
I stepped out of the bank today onto the sidewalk and the that smell picked me up and carried me away. It reminded me of the spring months I have spent walking blankly down the street, deep inside my head, struck dumb by depression and the desire not to be alive, not to exist.
I don't feel stressed out at this reminder. It does make me feel some sadness for how I isolated myself emotionally from the world, from God's creation, from color and music and laughter. And as I keep walking down the sidewalk, the sadness fades and the wind keeps blowing my hair all over the place, but not making me cold...