Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Balancing the Good with the Bad

Do you know how to do that? I realized yesterday that I don't, really. I have strong days and I have weak days. Problem is, on my strong days it seems that whatever happens, I can deal with it. On my weak days, it seems that no matter what happens, it sets me back or upsets me in some way. Maybe you've experienced this.

In DBT there is a skill they teach called Wise Mind. It's nothing new, but simply an old idea that they can bill my insurance for. :) Wise Mind means being balanced between Reason Mind and Emotion Mind and not leaning exclusively on one or the other. It's what I learned on my first day of group, way back in August of '03. (Has it really been that long?)

On my strong days it's easy to be in Wise Mind. It's no problem for me to respond to my environment in skillful and constructive ways. My issue with strong days is that on strong days I feel as though I'll always feel this good, and can't imagine feeling other ways.

On my weak days it's hard to do anything at all, much less be in Wise Mind about it. Any event, large or small, can make the day even more sour. Even something good happening may not help. I am weak on those days. On weak days, I can't imagine ever feeling good and I really really don't like the Me that got to have a good day, and I think of what an idiot she was. I can't ever imagine feeling differently, and I can't relate to the good feelings.

So this is my dilemma: when I doing better, how do I keep in mind that things won't always be like this, so that I'm not crushed when they change? And when I'm doing worse, how do I remember that my situation will improve soon and then make wise decisions in the process?

Just...what I've been thinking about.


R3dcurlz said...

Whoa, I'm totally there with you, chica. Exactly.

Anonymous said...

It's hard...maybe make a list of blessings you can read when you get sad...or keep a happy journal to record sad times turned to good or call a friend to help you through it..love you! you can do it! shoes- on

Anonymous said...

Journaling sounds like a great idea. When things are bad you can write realistically about it(like if I had a video camera what would I have seen) and then about your feelings. Then when it is good you can do the same. When you need to balance one day against another you will have an accurate record of how it was on another day and you might even pick up on what might be triggers.
It could be worth a try.
Love you Jen, M

R3dcurlz said...

Hey Jenni,

I've had the best lucking finding good blogs by looking through my statcounter and seeing where people came from. I think they usually us the "next blog" function. Not so sure why I don't just use that, but I find it pretty frustrating. Anyway, that's how I found your blog. I grew up in St. Paul, so that caught my attention.

For a solution to this good/bad rollercoaster, I've tried the blogging and journaling the less interesting or more private stuff. Often that's enough to help me figure out the actual problem. It's usually something someone has done that upset me, rather than just a chemical imbalance or whatever.

Unfortunately, being in a bad mood isn't a good time for me to deal with things like that, but I've started to do it anyway. Mixed outcomes. I'm starting to think waiting it out is maybe the best solution.

Exercise is good, but there's a reason it's called a "weak day," huh?